Mar 11, 2024

NOT GONNA LIE

WHEN I FINALLY CAME TO, I had one thing on my mind. Not after first being knocked out, not after the morphine and other meds wore off, days after being home...

... I wanted to say one thing.

Not gonna lie.

I was hurting.

Stunned.

How could my crazy good health take such a drastic turn in seconds...

... this wasn't what I had planned for 2024.

8 weeks later, I'm improving.

I'd leave it there, but...

... not gonna lie.

I'm nowhere near where I was just prior, nor 12 months ago, nor 2 years ago.

I'm off.

I can work 4-5 hours,
then my brain needs a break.

I can ride my bike,
but I have no power,
off-road vision is shift.

I can talk to friends,
until I can't.

Something even more weird happened though.

Something few will admit or acknowledge or maybe even notice...

... when I took that blow to the noggin' it felt like my spirit left my body.

There's a disconnectedness.

I know things aren't quite right.

Will they return or is life just going to be different?

Not gonna lie...

... this is new territory.

Now, I'm being as honest and transparent as possible in all I do.

My friend battling cancer taught me that,
the freedom of being honest.

Yes, I hid it from Surfergirl that on one of my first bike rides alone I was going down the road and thought I saw 4 ducks crossing the road in front of me...

... it was just two,
that's troubling.

Not gonna lie.

I kept riding.

Lying to myself it was all good,
hiding the truth if asked.

What is easier, being honest with ourselves and those around us or pulling the lycra over our eyes and theirs?

To remind myself of my new commitment...

... I made a special kit, see above.

That's the kind of thing I was looking forward to in 2024.

New designs,
new patterns,
new fabrics.

The good newsy stuff.

If you're into the rawness of honesty, maybe you'll like this too.

It's patterned after one of my all-time favorite Porsche's.