WHAT I AM GLAD NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT MARRIAGE

Nobody told me it would be hard.  I should have guessed that as my own parent’s marriage failed.

Nobody told me kids would be difficult.  I should have guessed that as my mom had to make more than one visit to the principal’s office; the weekends worried where I was; etc.

Nobody told me that during the teenage years there would be so much pressure on our marriage.  It was just brutal, and in the midst of it all we had no idea our family was under attack.  All we knew was it took a lot more huffing and puffing of the kindling to keep the love log lit.  I remember telling myself, “buckle down bro, you have 12 more years until the last one is gone and then you can leave too”.

Nobody told me that if I went to work on myself, on becoming a better husband and father it would get better.  But I did do that via counseling and lots of study.  It was largely thankless and unrecognized by anyone – even me.

Nobody told me it would get better, because I suffered in silence.  So, I rode my bike and pedaled the pain away.

Nobody told me it wasn’t about me, in fact all I heard was “you gotta be happy man”.  But, in my heart I knew it wasn’t about me, it was about us.  How could we as a family survive and thrive?  So, I rode my bike more and thought about it and pleaded for divine help.

Nobody promised me the honeymoon would return, that there would be time to focus on us.  I don’t think I would have believed them, and I wasn’t even hoping for that.  But here I am, happy as ever… marriage intact, kids have turned into wonderful and productive adults.  I wouldn’t say we’ve made it, but I sure like our trajectory.

Nobody promised me anything but bliss, the kind you get the first time you ditch your training wheels… and who doesn’t want that?

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